Oh Behave!

I have noticed that Lily has gotten purposefully naughty lately. Before, she used to do naughty things, like eat paper or pull the kitty's (or as she says the "Ditty!") tail out of curiosity. She was really curious by what the paper might taste like or what the Ditty would do if she yanked that hairy thing that came from his bottom.

Now, however, it is a totally different story. She will go out of her way to find a piece of paper she knows she is not supposed to have, look at me, and take a bite.
The following scene generally ensues:

Me: "Lily! Give that to Mommy! Spit!"

Lily: Runs away as fast as she can.

Me: Runs after her, catches her, and says, "Spit!"

Lily: Spits, then lays on the ground and throws a fit (you'd think I'd just tortured her precious Fufu or something).

She is also quite fond of pulling my hair, and occasionally pinching and biting. For some reason, telling her "Owie! That hurts!" just makes her smile and pull/bite/pinch harder. I've tried to "teach" her that it isn't nice by doing virtually everything: ignoring her, moving her and distracting her with a toy, and, upon suggestion and frustration, even swatting her hand once. None of it worked. When she has the naughty desire, it seems she can't be swayed.

I'm wondering if a 17 month old is too young for an occasional timeout? My instinct is that she is, since she probably won't understand it, but I'm running out of suggestions...let me know, as you read this, if you have any magical "naughty-ness" cures...

Silly Lily--standing on her head

I do feel compelled to mention that, for the most part, she is a good and happy little girl--she just has an occasional streak of naughtiness that I'm sure she gets from her father.. :)

The Wonderful One Year Old

Lily will turn 17 months old on July 4th, and I have got to say, she has reached a very fun and lovable age. She willingly gives smooches and snuggles, dances on command and anytime she has the desire, feeds her stuffed animals and dollies, crawls up on everything, and says "peas" anytime she wants something.

She is quickly turning into more of a "toddler" and less of a "baby" (although, we will always call her our baby) and with this new found autonomy, we are discovering a little girl who know what she wants--and when she wants it. In fact, we were just discussing the other day whether or not it was a good thing that we taught her "please" because anytime she sees anything she wants it is, "Peas...peas...PEAS....!!" The problem is, hearing her say, "Peas!" is so darn cute that we can rarely say no...after all, she is using her manners and wouldn't it be confusing to say no when she was so polite? :)

Cute but naughty... :)

Last week, I decided it would be a "good" idea for us to travel 3 1/2--4 hours to Denver, to go to the Ocean's Journey Aquarium. Lily did surprisingly well on the trip to Denver the night before the trip, taking a nap for about an hour and then, as much as we hate to admit, watching "Elmo's World" on DVD. Now, we don't normally advocate for lots of TV watching--and I'll admit that we even had plans on restricting her TV viewing completely until she turned two. But...well...it didn't happen. And she loves Elmo, who she lovingly refers to as "Ba." So, we were able to travel another hour  (in peace) while she was transfixed with her precious "Ba."

The night at the hotel was okay. She was not too fond of her pack and play (she's never really slept in it) and would not sleep since she could see us in our bed from hers. So we read to her until she fell asleep and quietly snuck her into her bed. The next morning, she woke up about 6:00 am and decided that, because we were in her line of sight, she absolutely would not continue to sleep.

Look at that smile!

We dragged ourselves out of bed, managed to find enough food at the continental breakfast that would be suitable for a picky 1 year old, packed up the car, and drove to the Aquarium. Lily loved seeing all the "Fissies" and enjoyed walking through the aquarium and splashing in the puddles (although, I'm not sure why there was so much water OUTSIDE of the glass).

Looking at the fishies

Posing in the lilies

It was not until the trip home that we were met with the nightmare. We headed home, with Lily napping happily in the backseat. We figured we'd get at least an hour and could hopefully make it to Cheyenne, Wyoming, before she had a totally backseat meltdown, at which point we'd plug the DVD player back in and stop for lunch.

Boy, were we wrong. We hit standstill traffic right outside of Loveland. In fact, the traffic was SO still, that we only travelled FOUR miles in ONE hour. And, thanks to the sudden stop, Lily promptly woke up. I was able to distract her for most of the time with some apple juice in a juice box (which makes her feel like a big girl). But, when we finally exited to Fort Collins, an hour past her normal lunch time, all she wanted to do was get out of the car. She certainly did not want to eat. In fact, she made this very obvious by flinging every morsel of food we put near her. Our waiter was nice, although we could not help but feel sorry for the poor guy who had to clean up her mess. She spit out every drink we gave her and basically began yelling for her release. Finally, I told Brian to just box up our food and that I'd take her to the parking lot to play. After an hour of going no where, I had no desire to do anything but get home.

Luckily, Lily slept for most of the ride home. She woke up about 3 miles from home, which certainly was a nice surprise for us. In fact, I think she would have been quiet all the way home if I hadn't turned around an caught her digging in my leftover Shrimp Primavera...that's right, red sauce all over the backseat, Lily, and her car seat. Sigh.

Sleeping in the car

But, what can I say? Despite all of her shenanigans, we absolutely adore her! We just may not take any family vacations until she is a tad older....

it's a struggle for a family picture

We are just one happy family--as long as we aren't making her do what she doesn't want to do!

Happy Father's Day!!

Today is Brian's 2nd Father's Day--however, since he went to Minnesota last year on Father's Day, it was the first time we got to celebrate as a family. We did not do anything extraordinarily special--we just spent the day together enjoying our happy little family of three. I am so glad to have him next to me as I parent and I could not imagine navigating this life without him right by my side. I love you, honey, and I love how much you love me and our precious Lily.

Holding newborn Lily

Daddy's little girl

Kissing :)

Reading, their favorite pastime

So sweet...

Oh the WEATHER!!

The last two weeks have been quite traumatic on the weather front!! First, we had a massive hail storm a few weeks back, with hail as big as a golf ball:

Brian, holding the hail

When this hail was coming down, we were just amazed. It was like we were sitting inside of a tin can--that's how loud it was! Luckily, the flower garden, at this point, was not heading out, so we had minimal flower/vegetable damage. We did, however, have significant car damage, which was definitely an unpleasant surprise...

Then, last night at about 7:00 p.m. the sky began to turn black and swirly. At first, I told Brian that I thought we'd be fine if we stayed upstairs and finished dinner, but, within minutes, the sky became even more ominous and a gigantic wall cloud sat virtually on top of our house. That's when the sirens began to wail.

We quickly trucked it to the bottom level of the house, Lily in tow. She was not very happy about being trapped in a small interior room and kept trying to climb back up the stairs. Within minutes, the hail started. This time, it pelted the north side of our home, actually cracking a window in Lily's bedroom. Lily became concerned at the loud noise at this point--and I don't blame her. The hail was hitting the basement windows so hard I was honestly concerned that it would shatter.

We had the storm radio on throughout the storm. The weatherman reported that there were multiple tornadoes on the ground throughout the Scottsbluff area--although, luckily for us, it seemed to avoid our neighborhood.

That is not to say there was no damage...our yard was an absolute wreck. Many of our flowers are bent and broken from the hail and intense winds. The houses across from us suffered multiple window breaks and will most likely need roof repairs. My car, yet again, got dented. Reports from the entire town were even worse: a trailer park is being condemned after many of the trailers were destroyed, the roof of  a local car lot blew off, and several power lines were down.

Here is a video from a storm chaser that I got off of YouTube (it does have the camera strap blocking the view in a part of it)--I believe it is just between Scottsbluff and Minatare on Highway 26 (or I'm guessing from the landmarks)--which is just miles from our house:

Attachment Parenting

I became familiar with Bowlby and Ainsworth's Attachment Theory during my coursework in psychology and researched it in more depth throughout the last year as I was working on my Master's in Counseling. In short, the theory posits that infants (and adults) develop an attachment to their primary caregivers. A "healthy" attachment is generally formed when parents respond sensitively and lovingly during interactions with the child. This is called "secure" attachment. Children who develop a secure attachment to their caregivers are comfortable exploring their environment--they often grow up to be leaders, high achievers, develop a sense of empathy for others, and have a positive self-concept, listing just a few of the many positive benefits.

When parents do not respond or barely respond to a child, the child may develop an "avoidant" attachment, where he or she avoids contact with the caregiver. If the caregiver is inconsistent, being loving at one moment and neglectful the next, the child may develop an "ambivalent" attachment, where he or she is distressed when the parent leaves but then, upon the parent's return, acts angry and reluctant to interact with the parent. Finally, children can have a "disorganized" attachment, displaying contradictory responses to the parent's interactions...children who display this attachment style often have parents who are highly intrusive, frightening, and abusive.

Obviously, most parents would strive to raise a child who is securely attached. While an early insecure attachment does not necessarily mean that the child will never develop secure relationships with others, if this style continues throughout childhood and into adulthood, it is more likely that the person will have difficulty forming healthy relationships, developing a positive social identity, and makes them more vulnerable to high risk behaviors (drinking, drugs, sex). The children with the worst outcomes are those labelled "disorganized." These children are often aggressive or completely withdrawn and are more likely to develop personality disorders and abusive tendencies in adulthood.

Therefore, as parents, Brian and I have decided to do our best at raising a securely attached baby girl. Attachment Parenting has emerged from Attachment Theory and it lists 8 Principles of Parenting (according to Attachment Parenting International), developed to create strong and caring connections between parents and children.

1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
It is important for parents to prepare themselves emotionally for the arrival of their little bundle of joy, as well as to educate themselves on the stages of child development and develop realistic expectations.

2. Feed with Love and Respect
As we all know, breastfeeding is the most ideal way to feed an infant, because it creates closeness and gives the baby "skin to skin" contact. However, as I discovered when I was unable to get Lily to breastfeed, bottle feeding can still meet these needs if the parent holds the child closely and mimics breastfeeding behaviors.

3. Respond with Sensitivity
Develop a strong and trusting relationship with your child early. Listen to what the baby is "telling" you and respond appropriately. Babies and toddlers need to learn how to regulate their emotions properly, and they learn from the way their parents respond. Responding with sensitivity encourages empathy and trust in others.

4. Use Nurturing Touch
A loving touch makes a baby feel loved, secure, and meets a baby's need for physical contact. So, give your baby all the hugs and kisses that you want!!

5. Ensure Safe Sleep, both Emotionally and Physically
Be responsive to your baby's needs throughout the night. This might mean that you need to re-evaluate your sleeping arrangements. Is your baby comfortable in their crib/bed? Are you comfortable with a co-sleeping arrangement?

6. Provide Consistent and Loving Care
Continually show your child that you love them. Keep them on a flexible schedule and, if seeking outside childcare, pick someone who will be able to develop a strong relationship with the child.

7. Practice Positive Discipline
Don't just react to behavior--figure out what is causing it. Work with the child to create solutions to the problem and this will help the child develop a conscience and internal model for behavior while, at the same time, allows the parent to be empathetic and loving towards the child. This is why we choose not to spank...

8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
In order to take care of your family well, it is important to take care of yourself! This will help you respond better to each family members' individual needs and help you be more emotionally responsive.

This is our chosen style of parenting. We realize there are other methods and styles used by people that we love; ultimately, each family needs to discover what works best for them and allows them to become a loving and productive family system.

A *Must* Read...

Last Fall, I borrowed a book from my mother-in-law, Barb, called Three Cups of Tea. The book discusses the work of Greg Mortenson, a former mountaineer who, while attempting to climb K2 in Pakistan, stumbled into a small town called Korphe (KOR-FAY) and was nursed back to health by the villagers, who were extremely isolated from the outside world. This isolation also meant that the children and the adults of the village were largely uneducated and illiterate--yet, they strived for education. Greg made a promise that he would, somehow, come back to Pakistan and build a school for the children of Korphe. This endeavor launched the non-profit organization, the Central Asia Institute (CAI), that has subsequently built many schools all over the most rural regions of Pakistan.

So...you may be wondering why building schools in a foreign country makes for interesting reading. Well, it is not just that the people of Pakistan want to educate their children--they also want to educate their girls and provide a secular, non-extremist education. Greg Mortenson believes that the best way to combat terrorism in this country is by bringing education and, thus, hope, to the most remote areas of the country. It is through education, not bombs and war, that the War on Terror will be won. For instance, in many areas where the government has not funded schools, madrassas (or Islamic schools) funded by extremist groups have sprung up. Because the people in the areas are so eager for an education and this is their only option, their children are sent to these schools and are often indoctrinated with an extremist education--which fuels terrorism.

However, as much as I liked Three Cups of Tea, the book I really LOVED was the sequel, Stones into Schools: Promoting Peace with Books, Not Bombs, in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Unlike the first book, which was co-authored and written in the third person, Stones into Schools was actually written by Greg Mortenson in the first person. In the second novel, Greg talks about his efforts, along with the "Dirty Dozen"--twelve men from Pakistan and Afghanistan who work for the CAI--to build schools in the war-torn country of Afghanistan, where the infrastructure is basically gone and the Taliban are still rampant.

This book goes beyond building schools to limit terrorism--it also discusses the broader idea of what it means to educate a woman. In the novel, Greg discusses the "Girl Effect," which goes by the idea that, if you "educate a man, you educate an individual. If you educate a woman, you educate a community." This may sound very feminist but he offers some very real and important examples. First of all, the women who acquire at least a fifth grade education raise their lifetime earnings significantly and, if they go on in their education, especially if they seek an education in maternal health care, the infant mortality rate and death during childbirth goes down dramatically. Also, women who are receiving an education are more likely to put off pregnancy until they are finished with school, which means they have fewer children, slowing population growth.

Moreover, in the Muslim world, it is not uncommon for sons to seek their mothers' approval before joining extremist groups. According to Mortenson, as a rule, educated women/mothers almost always say no. So--by educating a woman, it is much more likely that her family will not join an extremist group.

The CAI also discusses how they operate differently from a "typical" NGO. Instead of starting in a heavily populated area and working their way out, the CAI goes backwards--they start with the most rural areas and work their way in. This allows the most isolated and, often, deprived, communities to receive schools first.

The book, on the whole, is an excellent read that I definitely recommend to anyone who would like a different look and approach at the war on terror. It is a story about building relationships, respecting differences, and, most importantly, a story about hope that true change can occur in a country that has been at war in some shape or form for decades.

The "Bump": A Hemangioma Update

Nearly a year ago, we were making endless and exhausting visits to doctors. When Lily was 7 weeks old, we noticed a small bump on her head. We were not sure what it was at first--I thought maybe she had been bitten by a spider or, maybe, she'd somehow bumped her head on one of our shoulders. However, within a week, this "bump" became quite swollen. Here is an early picture of the bump on March 26, 2009:

About a week later, we took her to the doctor, because the bump did not appear to be looking any better. It was a Saturday, and we had driven down to Scottsbluff from Hemingford (about an hour drive), so we took her to Urgent Care and saw the doctor that was on-call. He "diagnosed" her with an infected hair follicle and prescribed an antibiotic to clear it up. Within the week, Lily  had severe diarrhea and was subsequently diagnosed with C-difficle colitis, a result of all of the "good" bacteria being killed in her intestines by the antibiotic.

To make matters worse, when we took her to her regular GP, he was certain the bump was not an infected hair follicle. He believed it was a sebaceous cyst that would go away on its own. We, however, were beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable. Here is a picture of it on April 17, 2009:

Not believing that this was a sebaceous cyst that would just "go away" we decided to make an appointment with a dermatologist in Cheyenne, Wyoming. We drove through a horrific Spring snow storm to attend this appointment, almost missing it because the weather was so terrible. We knew that we would go crazy if we didn't receive some answers. And soon.

The dermatologist examined Lily and said she believed Lily had a dermoid cyst--a cyst filled with fluid, hair, bone, etc.. She said that, because it was close to the midline of her face, there was a slight chance that the cyst could be leading to her brain. If that was the case, she would need surgery.

We were, obviously, terrified. We hadn't expected anything like this. The next step was to make an appointment at the Children's Hospital in Denver, Colorado, for an MRI. The MRI itself was a fiasco. The tech signed us up for a "feed and sleep" so, instead of anesthetizing Lily (which we definitely didn't want to do), they thought that she was young enough (3 months, at this point) to eat and then get sleepy enough to sleep through the MRI. Of course, she was not tired after her feeding (we thought we'd lucked out, because she had slept the entire 4 hours to Denver). Our appointment was at 7:00 pm. Finally, at 10:00, Lily crashed out and we were able to complete the (very loud) scan. Thankfully, the tech was very flexible with us, because I was on the verge of bursting into tears after hours of rocking her and trying to get her to sleep! Not to mention, we would have had to reschedule for a different day--and make the drive all over again.

The next day, we met with the neurosurgeon. To make a long story short, he informed us that the "cyst" was actually a tumor--most likely a hemangioma, and she would need it removed as soon as possible.

We. were. shocked.

We hadn't done our research on tumors--just cysts. We went home and the surgery was scheduled for a week and a half later. I tried not to think about it. Upon our arrival the day before the surgery, the surgeon entered the room for Lily's pre-op appointment. This time, he brought the plastic surgeon, who is also a member of the vascular malformation clinic, into the room.

The plastic surgeon took one look at Lily and determined that she did not need surgery--he said that it was far too dangerous because of all of the blood vessels involved, and that they typically resolve on their own. A hemangioma, moreover, is a fairly common birthmark (as many as 1 out 10 infants had them), often called a "strawberry mark" when located on the skin. Lily's, however, was more rare (1 out of 100) and was a deep hemangioma, located under the skin.

Here she is on May 30, 2009, right after they cancelled her surgery.

                                     

Here is a picture of her on June 30, 2009:

I was shocked by the doctor's statement--confused about why a surgery was scheduled in the first place and worried that they might have it wrong--again. I went home and did research...a lot of research. I found an organization that had an "experts" page and gave them all of our information.

To my surprise, I was contacted by two DOCTORS--not nurses--within a few days. One doctor informed me that, because of the hemangioma's location (near the eye) and the likelihood that it would continue growing, we should have it removed immediately. Another, who was the "number one" expert in the field, recommended an experimental medication or surgery.

I was confused and panicked. I was terrified she'd go blind or end up with a lazy eye (which the doctor told me was a real possibility), tired of people commenting on her "bruise" and looking at me like I might have dropped my child, and torn that my baby had to go through this. I did not like the idea that she'd have this thing on her head until she was in late elementary school and would possibly be teased by children at school--but I did not like the idea of flying to New York or Boston for surgery or giving her a medication that is not meant to be given to infants.

Finally, my dear husband urged me to stop doing all the research. He said we need to take her to an opthamalogist and have her vision checked and decide if it was a real threat.

It wasn't. So I took a breath.

A few months later, in September, we took her back to Children's to the Vascular Malformation Clinic. They told us that the normal progression of a hemangioma was this: It emerged and grew very quickly, peaking in size by age one to eighteen months. By age two, we would notice some involution (where it would go back into the skin), although this would be a very slow process. Most children notice a significant change by age 5, while almost all notice complete involution by age 10. By kindergarten, the plastic surgeon said, Lily might need a small reconstructive surgery to repair her eyebrow--which had been stretched and disfigured.

I told them about all of the information I'd been given by the "experts" and asked why we were receiving conflicting information. They knew of the doctors that I spoke of, and informed me that they would cut anything that moved...which made me feel relieved that I did not push for an unnecessary surgery (with that said, however, I do realize that these same doctors may very well operate on children when it is deemed medically necessary--that is an entirely different story. For Lily, her bump was more of a cosmetic issue and it did not pose any actual risk to her vision or overall health).

We felt better. We could breathe. We could stop going to doctors and fearing the worst. And, together, we could wait this out and love Lily for the beautiful and amazing little girl she is. And, to our amazement, the hemangioma began to get smaller and smaller....

Here she is on December 5, 2009, at 10 months:

And at 14 months on April 26, 2010:

And, finally, on May 3, 2010, a day away from her 15th month birthday:

It is practically gone! And we waited--no surgery. What should have happened at age 5 happened by at age 1. Thank goodness we were patient and believed in each other...we are a much stronger family because of it!!

If you have any questions about our journey or are feeling conflicted about your own, please leave me a comment. I'd love to provide any kind of support I can. . .

*******UPDATE*******

Here we are now, in 2015, and Lily is now 6! The hemangioma nightmare seems SO long ago and, honestly, it is hard to remember how stressful of a journey it was now, considering we ended up doing nothing and she turned out absolutely fine! Here is an updated 6 year old photo of Lily: